Monday, August 23, 2004

Pook #54 - Securities vs. Mistakes

There I am, minding my own business on my computer, when a message pops up to scream,

"W00t! Eh git da Pook! Tale me, Puke, whut cun eh dew ta git da woa-men?"

And then appears one of the following lines:
"How do I approach?"
"What do I say?"
"How do you call her?"
"How do I get laid easier?"
"Where do I meet the girls?"
"How do I increase my testosterone?"
"Tell me how to be a Man."
"What cologne should I put on?"
"Which are the clothes that women like?"
"Should I walk with swagger or not?"
"Facial hair or not?"
"Should I use more action verbs in my speech?"
"What sexual position should I use?"
"What date should I do?"
"Should I be ambitious, artistic, or just domineering?"

Gentlemen, if I attempt to answer your every request, I shall be here until Doomsday. You come onto the forum and think, "If I obtain this information, my future with women shall be changed."

This is a bald-faced lie.

Your future is the same. It is only your past that keeps changing.

Nice Guy, Seducer, Cocky Guy- what does it matter? You’re looking for guarantees. Then you change your past (“I lost to the women because I was sheepish and not cocky enough”). Maybe you have different results. But then it goes back to the way it was. And you search for more information. And then you change your past again (“oh, I lost to the women because I lacked testosterone within me”). Maybe you have different results. But then it goes back to the way it was. And you search for something else...

On and on it goes. So excuse me for not giving you a traditional answer. Let me answer you in another way.

It is to know the difference between a security and a mistake.


What is a 'security'? It is a calculus of action. It is a planned way of thought, of movement, of talk, and of love. For example, anchoring conversation with "notice something about her” is a 'security'. It implies that if you talk about a necklace or something she is wearing, your odds for 'winning' are better. Here is another 'security'. "A cool fast car!" Since it is observed that women like the cool fast cars, guys will get them because they believe it boosts their chances of getting the girl.

All seduction techniques are 'securities'. All NLP is a 'security'. The entire idea is to boost your chances of getting the girl.

Self-improvement is readily a good thing. But a very big problem (or should I say cancer?) occurs when self-improvement becomes a 'security'. The idea that improving yourself, in this or that way, will boost your chances. But the problem is that it never stops. Go into a gym and you will find many single guys working out. They will remain there because they always think they have to be perfect to get the ladies! Watch television and you will see ads implying that if you wear this shampoo, you will have this social life, eat this brand of rice, and your romantic life will look like this, on and on and on. Use this product and you will be "perfect" it implies. Well, perfect is boring.

Take a young man asking some guy on the internet where should he go for the date? What should he eat? What should he wear? Which restaurant should he go to? What should he talk about? (And yes, he even asks) What sexual position should I use? Should I kiss her here or there?

He thinks, Eh em ubtaining all dis infoormadion! W00t! Luk dat mee!

But I'm shaking my head thinking, My goodness! This guy is letting a stranger from the internet define his love life! He doesn't know where he wants to go, what he wants to eat, what to talk about, or what to wear.

Women will look at such a guy with the same attitude.

A 'security' is an act or thought that makes you eliminate mistakes. It is one thing to foresee mistakes (after all, you can't just marry any girl), but it is disaster to life to deny them. You want misery in your life? Keep sucking up 'securities' to mold and sculpt your life.


I cannot speak for others, but I will tell you the BIG reason why I became successful with women. I was willing to lose girls when I had no girls, and I was willing to spend the time when I had no time.

What does this mean Willing to lose girls when I had no girls?

Let me use a money analogy. Let us say you were born poor. Most people remain poor because they cling so tightly to the pennies they have that they won’t risk losing it in any investment. So they not only lose out with the big money, they remain with pennies their entire life.

Now look at many men. Many guys remain single or in an LTR with a mediocre girl because they cling so tightly to the one girl in their worlds that they won’t risk or go back to singledom. (Most girls stay with a mediocre male precisely because of this reason). It is like an ant saying to another, “Don’t eat that leaf else we starve!” forgetting that they are in a bountiful forest.

When one love dies, another is reborn. Nature will not tolerate a vacuum. Single guys will have women thrown at them, provided they aren’t living life in securities. If you tiptoe with women, you cannot stand! You flop and fall over if you get out of balance. And that is what it is like living a life of securities… I know, I did it far too long. It is like walking a tight beam and ‘balancing’ against every gust and breeze. It is exhausting. This is why many following this path want to give up on women because it seems like ‘so much work’.

If you don’t have money, how can you be scared of losing money? And if you don’t have women, how can you be scared of losing them? It is like you’re fighting for the scraps, literally SCRAPS, of joy while your dreams sit on the table, rotting and growing cold with time.

And what does it mean to spend time when I had no time?

Most people don’t live in the present. They live in the ‘future’. They say, “Tomorrow! All my dreams will occur tomorrow!” Never does the person say, “Today!” So time passes and passes.

I will bet that most guys here, who are sincerely interested in getting better with women, were late bloomers in life. Let’s face it. If you have not dated or did anything with girls, you are certainly going to be a bit uncertain about it!

“My problem is that I need more experience.” I don’t think so. I think the big problem (of which I, too, am very much guilty of) is not embracing my dreams for today and waiting for tomorrow. I would see a pretty girl and go, “No! Can’t ask her out! Got too much stuff to do this week!” This occurred throughout years. But as time passed, melancholy increased and increased until you hated being single. It was as if an internal pressure came. You go after women because the pain of being single is now greater than ‘ceding your desires for tomorrow’.

Is that what it has come to? The choice between lesser of two pains? Is this life? You didn’t live like that when you were a child. You used to explore, play, and try out new things! Why has life become harder and more unbearable?

Again, it comes to your context on ‘securities’ vs. ‘mistakes’. I ask, “What mistakes does a child make?” I’m sure you can think of something like forgetting to turn off the light, leaving the oven on, or something of the sort. This is from the adult’s point of view. From the child’s point of view, he wasn’t making any mistakes. Cut his finger? Hurt his leg? Tired out? No mistakes here! Why, he was exploring! Every child loves to explore. There is so much in life to see! A child, instinctively, knows this.

But we somehow overpower this when we grow older. When you say something *wrong* with a woman and she leaves, you think you made a ‘mistake’ and feel bad. Well, why do you have to feel bad? Everyone’s made mistakes before. So what?

Get that child’s perspective once again of feeling that the world was new when you were young. You are exploring with love and life, not making ‘mistakes’. And even the worst mistake is preferable to a lifetime embracing the greatest of ‘securities’. The zest of life is in the roll of the dice.

So look at your love life. Is it a life of ‘securities’ or is it a life of ‘mistakes’? Is it a ‘calculus of action’ or spontaneous?

Look at your financial life, social life, and even intellectual life. Are they leashed to ‘securities’ or are they free, wild, and allowed to explore?

“But Pook, my perspective uses the word ‘strategies’. Your perspective uses the word ‘securities’. We are saying the same thing but using different contexts. But we are both using the word ‘mistake’ in my perspective! Tell me, goodly Pook, what word do you use, in your perspective, for my label of ‘mistake’?”


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